Well, I recently got home from my mission. And as such is expected, I have many feelings. I often heard in my mission that "home life" would be different. That I would struggle adjusting. People made bets on how fast I would adjust, how quickly I would find "the one," how great my life would be, but what they never told me is exactly how it would be.
As I dream I go back to those wonderful places. I see the faces of those I love there in the mission. It's almost as if I am there again. And yet, I wake to a foreign bed, alone, and not at 6:30 in the morning and I'm confused. Then it hits me. Reality. I am back. This IS my life. So, I say my prayers, explain to God where I have been, where I want to go and beg that during the day I can help someone. I go to exercise, trying to keep up that great mission schedule, make breakfast get ready and study.
Now study time used to be my favorite but now it is hard. I have to turn off all the distractions, my cell phone, my Facebook, and find a quiet place to be. Not only that the topics are hard to find. Instead of focusing on how these scriptures will help me teach my investigators I have to learn to apply them to me. To find out what it is that God would like from me.
As I put myself to this task, I find a marked scripture and the memories come flooding back. A tear falls down my cheek as I look up and see the picture of them, the hardest investigator I had, standing in white. I remember the struggle. The many nights I was on my knees begging for them to understand and feel. I remember how it felt to watch them in white enter into the covenant of baptism. My tears turn into a smile as I look at the clock and see it is time to leave for class.
Walking down the street, I see so many happy faces and I just want to stop and contact and talk to them all. However, I must continue on my way. I get into class and a new person sits down next to me. They ask my name and almost as second nature I reach to show them my name tag. Only, it isn't there so I awkwardly say my first name, explain that I have recently got back from my mission and hear the question "did you like it?" I sit and think for a second. Do I answer short with a simple "yes." Or do I explain to them how deeply profound and sacred each experience is? I opt for the yes and then focus on what the teacher is saying. My mind begins to wander again as I see the clock and imagine what I would be doing if I were still there.
Next thing I know class is over and it is time to do homework. I sit down to read the assignment and I realize this does not interest me at all. That I would rather be learning about Jesus and the doctrine of the church. I try to refocus and get the assignment done in just enough time to go hang out with friends.
As I am with them I feel so strange. I missed them a lot. I told my companions all about the fun times we had together. Somehow it begins to seem as if being with them is a dream. It feels just like before and yet different. Have they changed or have I? The suggestions of "fun" that they have no longer interest me. Every conversation I have with them seems to include a story of a fun moment being chased by dogs, going somewhere cool on Pday or the jokes I played on my companions. There are new people there and I wonder, "Are the members? Active? How can the Gospel help them?" They talk about subjects, movies, songs, and experiences I know nothing about. I try to join the conversation, but don't know what to say without being that returned missionary that always talks about their mission. I opt to go home early and sit down on my bed. I have a Facebook message from someone I taught and begin to chat with them. They explain their gratitude and I feel so blessed to have been apart of their journey.
I sit down to read my scriptures again and imagine life in 5 or 10 years. Only the vision is blurry. Who will I be with? What will I be doing? Where will I be? All of these things are unsure. So, I pull out my patriarchal blessing and begin to cry. The mixed emotions of being home and missing the mission seem to collide. I kneel to pray and explain to God all that I feel. He tells me it will be okay. I remember my testimony. I remember that my mission was a training for my life. I receive hope. And then I fall asleep, peacefully dreaming of the future and the past waiting for a new day to begin where I will be living in the present.
Sound familiar? Maybe you just got back from a mission like me? Maybe you know someone who just got home and are wondering how to help them. Well, to be honest, I am not really sure how you can. It is a struggle. You are happy they are back, they are happy they are back, but they will never be able to forget how they felt to be there. They will never forget the wonderful people. So, how can you help them? Make them feel welcome here. In their new life. Allow them to recognize that you are there for them. That you love and care about them. Help them know that they are normal. That they have changed and that they have a great spirit.
Leaving for a mission is hard, but coming home from a mission may be harder. For 18 months or 2 years their life has been dedicated 100% to other people. They did not think about themselves, their future, or their needs hardly at all. Now, being back in the big old world, they feel like fish who has been taken out of water. Flopping around. Trying to find air. Trying to find some escape. Trying to find somewhere they fit in. If this fish does not get new water it will die. So help them. Love them. That is all they need.
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